The Hidden Cycle of Self-Imposed Suffering

I have spent years trapped inside my own mind, going over the mistakes that, in my eyes, ruined my life. The opportunities I didn’t take, the decisions that led me down painful roads, the moments that seemed to mark a “before and after” toward disaster.

Again and again, I fell into the same cycle:

• Analyze.

• Criticize myself

• Feel defeated.

• Start over.
  

Until one day, three of these cycles overlapped and exploded like an emotional bomb inside me. It wasn’t just the accumulated weight of past mistakes — it was the sharp realization that hit me like lightning: I was 35 years old, and I was far from where my 23-year-old self thought I’d be by then.

I found myself asking:

• Why do I keep doing this to myself?

• What is life trying to teach me?

• And how can I, once and for all, move forward?

The Human Paradox: Seeking Peace but Clinging to Drama

All human beings share a universal desire: to avoid suffering. Yet, paradoxically, we are biologically wired to focus on the negative because anticipating danger helped us survive as a species.

That same mechanism invades our minds when we face big decisions. We want to choose perfectly because we know that if we fail, we will fall into the dark pit of self-punishment. If you’re a perfectionist, you know exactly what I mean.

The real hell begins when we try to decide from a place of internal chaos. Our nervous system is dysregulated. Our heart, mind, actions, and words are not aligned. Each part of us pulls in a different direction. And when we are finally forced to make a choice, it’s driven by the voice that shouted loudest that day — not by inner peace and alignment. Later, when the dust settles, we look back and think: “What the hell was I thinking?”

The Secret Is to Illuminate Your Shadows

Sankhya Yoga philosophy teaches us something powerful: the universe is made of two fundamental principles, Purusha (the eternal, spirit) and Prakriti (the impermanent, matter, change).

Nothing is purely good or bad. Everything has the potential to be both. And this includes your past decisions.

When you stay stuck in regret, you are choosing to water the negative seed of that event. But if you forgive yourself, integrate your conflicting parts, and recover your internal alignment, you can redirect your energy toward the present. And there, in that present moment, lies the potential to transform any mistake into a positive force.

Three Heart-Opening Questions

If you want to break the cycle, start by asking yourself:

• Which part of me made the decision I now criticize, and what did it need at that moment?

• What have I learned from the consequences I’m living with now?

• How can I align my heart, thoughts, actions, and words today?

Your New Story Begins Now

If any of this hits home, I want you to read the following with an open heart:

You are not the sum of your mistakes.
You are not the broken version of who you were before you messed up.
You are not the unfulfilled expectations of your younger self.

You are the one who survived every fall.
You are the one who is here, right now, looking for a new way forward.
You are the one who, in this very moment, holds the power to choose which seed to water: the seed of punishment or the seed of healing.

So let me tell you clearly:

It’s not what you did that defines your life.
It’s what you do now with it.

Today, you can choose to close the cycle of regret and open yourself to a more compassionate, more loving, more aligned story.

Today, you can begin walking hand in hand with all your past versions — even the ones you still don’t understand or forgive.

And right there, right at that edge, is where your true rebirth begins.